life ab tak......

You came outta womb and after a couple of yrs you started walking..

You blew tantrums and everything was put into your kitty by your parents..

You overwhelmed when your kindergarten teacher gave you a big star on your wrist..

You cried in the school bus and always forgot your tiffin box in school..

You got thrashed while using first cussing in front of your parents

You hide your school diary which was full of bad remarks

You did false signatures on your report card and finally a feeling of responsiveness came in boards..

You burnished your exam papers like anything but as usual checking from the teachers was not up to the mark. *highly optimistic people*

And finally you came into graduation or i should say lover boy stage where you realized there's no life beyond your cell phone and your girl..

That late night talks and when caught, those illogical excuses; ah, i bet you still remember all of em.

Farewels and discotheques, shimmering clothes, stupid excuses at home, coming late every night ... gosh !!! All those things are as fresh as a hot spongy truffle with a vanilla scoop..

And your convocation in college , that long coat and a beautiful crown like cap ... i bet everyone must be thinking to capture the whole world

Your first job, boring and drab ... work and work but still you manage to take out time for those mischievous things ..

And that realization to continue your studies was again ENTERING THE NEW WORLD..

Finally you're sitting alone and thinking...Man .. you're 21 ... is life fast or my memory is so sharp that all the things ive done uptill now are crystal clear?????

hearty thanx to my friend PEEYUSH for allowing me 2 plagiarise his work.....thanx dude..... U ROCK

Mahabharata revisited-2

Since Dr. D announced elections, the PAD had no choice but to face it. But only Bhima and Draupadi wanted an election. And there were reasons for that.

While DJ was busy with writing travelogue and ending up a loser at casinos, Arjuna's thoughts were aimed only at winning the archery world championship. Last time around Drona was there with him as the coach. Before taking the shot at the target, each time, Arjuna was asked on the earphone by Drona as to what he was seeing. Only when Arjuna replied that he was seeing only the target and not the hot females amidst the spectators, Drona would ask Arjuna to shoot. This was revealed to be the secret of Arjuna's success at previous world championships. This time, Drona was not accompanying him, as he(Drona) was busy with elections. So he thought he had to be extra careful to win it this time. He had put in months of hard work for that. "Now all that would be waste. To hell with these elections", Arjuna wondered in deep anguish. Somehow or the other he wanted these elections to be put off for some time so that he can accomplish his sporting ambitions.

Nakula and Sahdeva were self-proclaimed cool-software-geeks who had become cynical about elections. "There is too much of corruption", was their never-changing refrain. They, being the co-founders of Nakula Sahadeva Technologies, were also busy 'corporates' with teething corporate concerns. With just one product, sale of second hand keyboards, they wanted to diversify and expand their product portfolio. This had become a must for them to increase both their market share and visibility. All this, they firmly believed, would not just add to their revenues but also help them achieve customer satisfaction. All this meant that they too were not in favour of wasting time on elections, atleast for the moment.

Bhima wanted elections because he was sickeningly free. Bhima, the weight-lifting olympic gold medalist, was disqualified for two years, the previous year, because he had failed the dope test. That he did not require drugs to enhance his performance was something that people believed sincerely. So, he also hoped to cash in on the sympathy that was generated in his favour as a result. Dope test of a weightlifter was poised to become an election issue for the very first time in Independent India. Weightlifting Federation Of India came out in full support of Bhima. All this and absence of any other meaningful work made him pitch for polls.

Draupadi too wanted elections. Simply because, she wanted the powers and luxuries associated with being the PM's wife. She was also believed to have influenced many decisions DJ took when he was PM. Also she liked the kitchen in the PM's official residence.

But the other four, not favourably inclined to face early elections, secretly met to devise a strategy to somehow avoid it. In that meeting, they decided to ask their mother Kunti for help.

[What did Kunti do? Will she oblige? - All this and more in the next episode.]

mahabharata revisited-1

Note: Revisiting a part of Mahabharata here, is just an attempt at humour. Probably, a failed one as you might find. But certainly not one to demean the characters or story of Mahabharata - one of the world's greatest epics.

Not too long ago, there were two alliances jointly ruling the country. One was the Pandava Alliance For Democracy and the other, Kaurava Alliance For Progress. Pandava Alliance - consisting of, mainly, five founder brothers Dharmaraj, Arjun, Bhim, Nakul, Sahadev and their collective spouse Draupadi - were fed up with this everyday business of running the country. They decided to take a break and tour the country. They gave the reins of power to their partner alliance - Kaurava Alliance For Progress - a hundred member fraternal conglomeration. They hired Kingfisher airways for their travel. And travel they did, across the length and breadth of the country, for fourteen months. And then they came back.

After having returned, they demanded that the incumbent Prime Minister Dr. Duryodhana should hand over the Government that was always theirs. But Dr. D, as the Prime Minister was called in media circles, was not ready for such a handover. On the contrary, he would not cede even an inch of power. He dared them to withdraw support and go for fresh elections. But chairman of the Pandava Alliance, Mr. Dharmraj (fashionably called DJ), was not for confrontation. "Come on dude, let's talk it over a glass of beer.", he exhorted the PM Dr. D. But sensing that talks would not get them anywhere, PAD Women's Group President and wife of the five member PAD Smt. Draupadi, was not at all happy with this. Smt. Draupadi, who was believed to be the power behind the throne when DJ was the PM, along with Bhima, was strongly in favour of going for polls.

But DJ was not in a hurry to go for polls. He was too busy writing his travelogue. He was confident of winning the Booker for it. He barely had time for his favourite game of casino as a result. That being the case, he could not afford time for matters like elections, that he considered, were for the not so intellectual individuals like Dr. D. So he decided to buy time for himself through talks. He intended to send a negotiator on their behalf for talks with Dr. D. Who better than DJ's cousin Kris, an eminent legal expert and who was also the Chief Minister of Western India, to act as the interlocutor. The tech savvy DJ, had sent a meeting request over email to Dr D, for the talks between Dr. D and Kris. But there was no reply from D for 2 days. DJ got angry. You would have expected him to call a press conference to blast out at Dr. D. But he blogged extensively about it in his cool new site whyisdjangry.com. It became such a huge hit that he hoped to earn a million dollars by text ads alone on his blog. The adamant Dr. D just denied having received any such meeting request. His technical assistant then talked to DJ's assistant and figured out that the mail had not been sent as Outlook had crashed before sending. Now that everything was resolved, the meeting was scheduled for the next day.

Kris arrived at the meeting with a new Thinkpad in his hand. Powerpoint presentations would power his talks. Dr. D didn't look at him even for a moment. Members of KAP, all Dr D's brothers, started shouting slogans at Kris. Half of them walked out. Dhrutarashtra, father of Dr. D, was silently watching Kris's articulation amidst all the acrimony. With his dark sunglasses on, that he had got over his blindness through eye-surgery was somewhat doubtful to believe. Dart, as Dhrutharashtra had come to be known amongst cartoonists, was flanked by Vidura, who was his personal advisor. Vidura was so impressed by the look and feel of Kris's presentation that he abruptly got up and told Dr. D that he should give the PAD their due share of power. The people in that hall, which included D's grandpa Bhishma-the-never-retiring-politician and author of "How to win elections and form Governments" , Drona - the electoral manager and the chief-mentor for both the alliances, former live commentator turned psephologist Sanjaya, best selling fiction and non-fiction writer Vyasa and other non-members of KAP, who were nodding their heads in admiration of Kris's presentation, were distracted by this interruption. But they concurred with him. This angered Dr. D. But being a person who was not intelligent enough to deal with such an emergent situation, he just went out and to the loo only to return after Kris had left. Nothing tangible was achieved, felt Kris. Disappointed, he left for a movie.

Dr. D was a loo-thinker. So he had the face of a man who knew what to do, when he returned from the loo. He, despite the harangue that Vidura resorted to against him, dissolved the Parliament and called for elections.

saw this poem posted on someone's blog....and it just made me wonder if its my own life story. but i guess, everyone will feel that ways because this epitomises the present day life of almost all of us.......


Shaher ki is daud me daud ke karna kya hai?'
Gar yehi jeena hai doston, toh phir marna kya hai?

(Why do we run the endless rat race of the city?
If this is what we call living, then how do we define dying?)

Pehli barish me train late hone ki fikr hai
Bhul gaye bheegte hue tehelna kya hai?

(We worry about the train being late because of the first monsoon showers
Have we forgotten how it is to take a slow walk in the rain?)

Serials ke kirdaaro ka saara haal hai maloom
Par maa ka haal poochhne ki fursat kahan hai?

(We know everything about the characters in TV serials
But we have no time to find out how our own mother is doing?)

Ab ret pe nange paon tehelte kyun nahin?
108 hai channel phir bhi dil behelte kyun nahin?

(Why don't we walk barefoot on the sand any more?
There are 108 channels on TV, but why don't they entertain anymore?)

Internet se duniya ke to touch me hain,
lekin pados mein kaun raheta hai jaante tak nahin.

(We're in touch with the whole world over the Internet
But we have no idea who lives in our own neighbourhood.)

Mobile, landline sab ki bharmaar hai,
Lekin jigri dost tak pahuche aise taar kaha hai?

(There is no dearth of mobile phones and landlines
But where is the cord that would reach a dear friend?)

Kab doobte hue suraj ko dekha tha,
yaad hai?Kab jaana tha shaam ka guzarna kya hai?

(Do you remember when you last saw the setting sun?
Do you remember when the evening passed you by?)

Toh doston, shaher ki is daud me daud ke karna kya hai'
Gar yahi jeena hai toh phir marna kya hai?

(So friends, why do we run the endless rat race of the city?
If this is what we call living, then how do we define dying?)

life as it is......

It was his birthday.
After a purfunctory lunch with their common friends , he took her to her favourite coffeehouse,ordered her favourite pastry,played her favourite song and knelt down beside her with a bunch of her favourite roses in oblation.
She knew it was coming & she was determined to get over with it as soon as she could or was possible.But she could not..it was not possible.It was his birthday after all!She sat motionless on her chair while her hand hung limply with the flowers.
He knew the answer-but he still wanted to hear it..hoping against all hope that she might...
Her silent tears told it all..Some things are not meant to be..
He put on his social mask and turned back to the jovial being he is..only she could see through the pretense..she knew he was putting up an act.She even believed that probably no one would ever love her the way he did.
During the years of togetherness-laughter without reason is what brought them close..He would crack silly jokes or pass comments just to see her smile.She would let go off all reason, her air of sobriety and giggle like a child.She felt so alive at those times!
Maybe this was the selfish reason why she could not let go even when she knew it was coming.Even when she felt the tension in their relation increasing with his growing desire to possess the object of his affection.
That night he did not sleep.
Neither did she.

A day in the life of a working bachelor- part 1

here is a detailed description of a typical day in a bachelor's life. its a longish description, so i have broken it into parts. here goes the first part. hope you enjoy.


7:30 AM
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING (the Alarm sounds)
A: shut up you fool, let me sleep a bit more. (hits the snooze button)

7:50 AM
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
(A looks at the alarm clock with a scorn capable of even forcing George W. Bush pull the American troops out of IRAQ. And the alarm clock wisely decides to go into the snooze mode itself rather than bear this agonizing gaze any more.)

8:10 AM
(The alarm clock decides to give it one final try) RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
A: OK OK. FINE. I surrender. I am getting up in another 5 minutes. U sonovabitch alarm clock.
(the clock gives out a small RIING as a sign of success)
A: @#$%^&*

8:20 AM
( A, finally awake, looks at the clock)
A: OH SHIT!!!!! its already 8:20, damn this Lousy alarm, never works properly . I better get a good one the next time.
(The poor old alarm clock felt like jumping off the table and committing a suicide that very moment)

8:25 AM
A: oh man, the time is flying by. I better skip Shaving today. Anyways I guess girls like men with stubble. I better be quick with the bath.

8:26 AM
A: Naaaaa, forget the bath. I can save time by just washing my face. Anyways no one even notices if you’ve taken a bath or not.

8:32 AM
A (Beaming with happiness): HAH, I saved a good 8 minutes by not bathing. Now to get ready for office. Finally I can get to the office just about in time. I hope the bus doesn’t screw up.

8:33 AM
(frantically going through the wardrobe)
A: f*** man. No f****** cloth to wear. Damn the dhobi. Never gives back the clothes on time. (loudly) MAIN AA RAHA HOON DHOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII



8:38 AM
A: Bhaiya kya karte ho yaar. Kapde toh time se wapis kar diya karo. Office pehen ne k liye kuch bhi nahi hai. Iron kar do abhi.
DHOBI: itni subah subah kahaan se kar doon babu ji. Abhi nahi ho sakta kuch.
A: (feeling as if a fire bolt had hit him) kya bol rahe ho bhaiya, main office kya pehen ke jaunga?
DHOBI: Arre babu ji, hamare hote hue chinta kaahe karte ho, hum kisi aur ka kapda de deta hoon aapko aaj pehen ne ke liye.
A: achha achha jaldi do. Aur mere kapde bhi de dena aaj shaam tak.
(while going back, A was thanking in his mind the ,oh so caring, dhobi and the dhobi was thanking god, for if A had come a minute before, he would have seen that boy who took A’s clothes, FOR THE DAY)

CUT TO 8:55 AM
A, having gotten so involved in the painful experience of getting ready for the office, had ignored the requirements of his digestive system, which in turn had now started a revolt. * A could PRACTICALLY smell something bad* (ewwwwwww).

9:05 AM
Ignoring the plight of the Digestive system, the brave working bachelor, Mr. A, reaches the bus stop, he had been preparing himself mentally for the arduous task that he had to face now, BOARDING A DTC BUS.*For all those lucky people who haven’t had the misfortune or the fortune of encountering a DTC bus, you can read the “DTC bus” as “a BOX, Full upto the brim, OF PEOPLE”*

9:15 AM
Finally, after waiting for 10 minutes, and trying unsuccessfully to get onto some 400 buses that went passed him, A finally gets onto a bus which is not too full but also had a good number of ahem…. Females….in it.
He finds a seat. To his utter fortune, it was shared with a fairly cute & good looking female of about his age and had a good pair of .......errrr.......(we better forget this part). Both of them smile at each other. A is mustering up all the courage he has, to start a conversation with the girl. Just then the girl’s mobile rings. The ring tone was a silly “ haaye haaye mirchi”. And the first word that came out of the girl’s mouth were “ hiiiiiiii jaaanu, I was waiting sooooo eagerly for your call. I love you. Muah muah muah”
This was followed by a sound of something breaking. It was A’s heart.

9:40 AM
A reaches his office. Though he is late by a good 10 minutes, he was happy to get away from all the sweet talk that girl was making. With her boyfriend obviously.
And now he is ready again for the long day that stares at him in the face. And his boss, who not only stares, but also spits uncontrollably at and FIRES people.

All that you (N)ever wanted to know.

umm... hmmmmmm......
ummmmm....hmmmmmmmmm.......
*suddenly everyone notices and applauds*

AUTHOR:(acknowledging the crowd with the Classic Wave of the hand motion)
So, Ladies and gentlemen (YES, all three of you), Have you ever given a thought to whatever you would never ever want to know????
Sounds weird na.... nd hey, if you are thinkin dis blog(& the blogger) to be one of those intellectual types, you are PATHETICALLY mistaken. intellect and the blogger are as related 2 each other as are mayawati and mulayam singh.
anyways, back to the real question. Lets give it a thought now. What would it be that you would be least interested in knowing??????

All those who would not like to know how to make girls go mad after them say YAY.....
*a couple of chappals come flying towards the author, He Ducks.....woah, Missed by a whisker*

All those who would not like to know what is the size of RAKHI SAWANT's .....err.... sandals????
* A better response. NO Flying Chappals.*

All those who are no inteesting in knowing how ASH & ABHI make love say YO......
*Oh Shit!!! Everyone running after the author with a chappal or THE deadly tomatoes in their hands. just for a moment the author wonders why do they call them HAWAI chappals*


*at that precise moment, someone from the audience shouts "shut the f*** up damn it.. we dont wanna know what the f*** u think or Whatever you do. Or for that matter whomsoever you are".*


And Yes, here you have your answer. Thats one thing you dont ever wanna know. and as the title suggests, thats all you are gonna get here. what i am, what i think and also my views and thoughts on whatever is goin on around in the world and my neighbourhood.....

THE AUTHOR BOWS DOWN AND THE CURTAINS FALL........

P.S. i have just now noticed that for a 50 words worth of message, i have used some 250 words.
& if that is what you are also doing with water, please stop it. the water you waste may be life for another 5 people.
bye and take care
for more on me, watch this space......